I've only been playing craps for a few months. I wanted to learn before I went to Las Vegas. It was my first time in Vegas and my wife hasn't been for 10 or so years.
This report is from 5/4/2019-5/18/2019.
We play in Michigan and Indiana for the most part. There is a Boyd property out here we have been going to for a few years. We were able to get free rooms at the Fremont for 2 nights and Gold Coast for 2 nights. We went to MGM in Detroit once with her mom and they send us offers all the time to go to Vegas. We decided to take them up on it and were able to get 4 nights at the Luxor.
I had a budget of $200/day. My goal was to play $5 craps where I could.
The first weekend we spent mostly at the Fremont. I enjoyed playing at the tables with the older guys and a more relaxed crowd. Always had a $5 table open and the dealers were really nice. I tried to make some 2 way hard ways and yo's and the dealers really seemed to appreciate that. They remembered my name and were always very kind to me. One dealer even flipped the dice to 3-3 for me when he sent them my way to save me time. I really enjoyed playing there.
I saw that they had a shooters club at Fremont and found it curious. I was able to roll 20 and 23 times while I was there, but that's not even close to getting on the wall. I was playing mostly the pass and 6-8 occasionally taking a 5/9 with my winnings. I didn't make much, but people around the table did.
We found our way down to the D and Golden Gate on Sunday afternoon. My wife really enjoyed the Golden Gate and I did as well. Always found 5 dollar tables and at night they have the dancing dealers, which is always a nice thing to look at. Dealers were great any my wife was able to earn comps there quickly. Paid for our dinner at Pizza Rock on just her comps. The D was pretty nice too, but was very loud at night and more crowded.
We had a nice room at the Luxor and spent our first day there (Thursday) walking around the hotels. I was trying to collect a dollar chip from any casino that we went into as a souvenir. Luxor was $10 everytime I was there. 2 tables open in the morning with no one playing. I asked if they would lower it to play, but they declined. We walked to Excalibur and I was able to play for $5 anytime except for Saturday night after 8. They did have a $5 crapless table, but it was crowded and I don't like it. The house edge is high.
I had some coupons for match play at Planet Hollywood so I did play $10 there for about 3 shooters but I lost my money quickly. We had to make some bets for my brother at Caesars so we used his card to park there for free. I did bet one shooter there just to say I played at Caesars.
As you can imagine, the nicer hotels were all $10 and up. I was able to find $5 briefly during the day at Treasure Island and played there for a little while.
We went back downtown the Saturday and Sunday where we could afford to play. My wife found her home at Four Queens. She loved sitting in the Keno room and playing the live Keno and a Keno machine at the same time. She also enjoyed playing High Card Flush and Texas Holdem there. I played craps there for quite a long time, but the dealers for that shift weren't as friendly.
For the most part I would win $100 somewhere and loss $100 somewhere. But I kept most of my money throughout the trip.
Our last weekend we stayed at Gold Coast and played there on Thursday night. We went back downtown Friday night to play at the Golden Gate and Binions. My wife hit a jackpot in slots at Golden Gate before we left that won back all of the money we lost. We left Las Vegas even on money after paying for dinners and such.
It was a really fun trip. I know with my bankroll Vegas can be tough. But we aren't fancy people so downtown was perfect for us. We earned some comps and plan to stay at a Boyd property or the D when we go back in February (we had Disneyland tickets for one day. I've never been and she hasn't been since 1998. But my wife got sick so it's an excuse to go back.). Hoping we can put the money we came back with away to use as a bankroll next time.

As a popular kind of home entertainment, gambling has an abundant history, and every gamer has the prospective to end up being a winner in the blink of an eye. There is absolutely nothing else rather like the rush of adrenaline that can accompany the gambling experience! The video gaming market has actually grown greatly for the past 20 years, and the lure of gambling has actually drawn increasingly more individuals to the gambling establishments along with racetracks and Web gambling website. Gambling is an interesting leisure activity in lots of aspects, and the list below will present you to a few of the historic, analytical, and amusing pointers and trivia that make this leisure activity unique.
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Did You Know?
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1. A minimum of 65,000,000 individuals in the United States play poker regularly.
   
2. Playing cards as we understand them today are still considerably affected by the French, despite the fact that playing cards were created in China. According to French tradition, the cards with Spades represent royalty. Diamonds represent Merchants, Clubs represent Peasants, and Hearts represent the Clergy.
   
3. Previous United States President Richard M. Nixon utilized cash he had actually won playing poker in the Navy throughout World War 2 to fund his run for Congress in 1946. He should have been an excellent gamer, for it is never ever affordable to get associated with politics!
   
4. 87% of individuals who went to Las Vegas throughout the year 1996 bet.
   
5. Studies expose that 38% of individuals who reside in the United States have actually checked out Las Vegas, usually to bet.
   
6. The video game called craps generally has a few of the very best bets in the gambling establishment.
   
7. Poker competitions that occur on the Internet and on tv have actually triggered the Texas Hold 'em variation of poker to have a massive rise in appeal.
   
8. There is one slots in Las Vegas, Nevada, for each 8 individuals who live there. In 2005, the approximated population for the Las Vegas Valley is 2 million individuals. That's a Great Deal Of slot deposit pulsa !
   

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1. Blackjack, or 21 as some individuals call it, continues to be the most popular table video game in both online and offline gambling establishments. It is likewise the video game with the very best chances.
   
2. You will see lots of variations of video poker in a gambling establishment, however each of them is based upon the video game of 5 Card Draw.
   
3. In the English gambling dens throughout the 18th century, one staff member had the regrettable task of dice swallower. That's right - dice swallower! He was to swallow the dice if and when a law enforcement officer robbed the den.
   
4. If played properly, video poker can use a few of the very best chances in the gambling establishment.
   
5. The very first slots on the planet was developed by a Mr. Charles Fey in the year 1899. He was an automobile mechanic who desired his consumers to have something to entertain them while they waited on their cars and trucks.
   
6. Groucho Marx, among the Marx Brothers, liked to play poker. He kept his poker cash on him at all times, bring it in a 'grouch bag". This is how he got the label of Groucho.
   
7. There are just 2 states in the United States that do not use legalized gambling. These are Hawaii and Utah.
   
8. 57% of individuals in the United States purchased a lottery game ticket in the last 12 months. This truth, which was found by a Gallup Survey audit on gambling, shows that the lotto is the most popular kind of gambling in the United States.
   
9. 68% of the folks in Las Vegas who bet play the fruit machine.
   
10. 24% of those residing in the U.S.A. confess that they have actually taken part in prohibited gambling.
    
11. When studying the portions of individuals who check out Las Vegas, it was found that the biggest portion group, 22%, was comprised of elderly people, those who are 65 and older.
    
12. Among the biggest slots payments ever tape-recorded occurred in Las Vegas back in 1998. A lady who had actually invested around $300 at a gambling establishment that day struck a $27.6 million dollar prize! Not surprising that fruit machine are so popular!
    
13. Many historians have actually concerned the conclusion that the famous and vibrant figure of the Wild West referred to as Wild Costs Hickock was not an excellent poker gamer.
    
14. In the United States, it is not possible to secure a patent on any type of gambling maker.
    
15. The card video game of Texas Hold 'Em was bet the extremely very first time in a Texas city called Robstown. This took place in the early 1900s. Texas Hold 'Em was given Texas from Las Vegas by a little group of Texas bettors.
    
16. Back in the 1970s, the typical age of individuals who delighted in gambling establishment gambling varied from 30 to 55. Nowadays, that age varieties from 17 all the way approximately 70.
    
17. 80% of a study group stated that all gambling ought to be legal, which gambling establishments are completely alright.
    
18. A word of caution - You are not permitted to utilize your cellular phone at a video gaming table. This is usually real in all gambling establishments. Obviously, if you are dipping into an online video gaming table, you can do what you want.
    
19. The biggest gambling establishment worldwide lies on the borders of Hartford, Connecticut in the United States. It is called the Foxwoods Gambling establishment.
    
20. Las Vegas has 2 labels - Las Vegas and Lost Earnings.
    
21. Slots vary from cent slots all the way as much as those that vary from $50 to $500 for each spin! These expensive slots are generally found in what is called the 'High-stakes gambler' space or spaces of a gambling establishment. As a basic guideline, you will not see a lot of these makers.
    
22. In 2007, more than $170 billion dollars was put in bets in Las Vegas by bettors. 'Your home', or the gambling establishments, won about $7 billion dollars of that cash.
    
23. Online video gaming is cool. Where else can you play video poker in your pajamas?
    
24. Gambling Establishments in Las Vegas are under no legal responsibility to settle any of their gambling financial obligations.
    
25. The state of Nevada in the U.S.A., house of Las Vegas, made gambling legal in the year 1931.
    

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- Throughout that very same year, the Hoover Dam was being constructed by the United States federal government.
- They didn't desire the men who were dealing with the dam to get included with gambling, so a whole town, Stone City, was constructed as a location for the dam employees to live.
- It was made prohibited to bet in Stone City in the hopes that these employees would not misuse the 50 cents an hour they were being paid.
- Today, Stone City is the only city in the state of Nevada where it is unlawful to bet.
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1. To this day, the Italians and the French will still argue over who developed the video game of Blackjack.
   
2. Countless individuals are utilizing the Web to bet 24 hr a day, 7 days a week.
   
3. Those who play the slots online along with offline will discover that a bulk of the time, they will win regularly playing online.
   
4. In horseracing or any kind of sports gambling, you require to win a portion of about 52.4% of the bets you make in order to recover cost. This is due to the fact that a commission is charged by the home on every bet.
   
5. There is no rhyme, rhythm, or pattern to playing the slots. It is nearly difficult to forecast when you are going to win.
   
6. When playing poker, the Dead Man's Hand is Aces and Eights.
   
7. The majority of people who take a holiday to Las Vegas gamble for 4 hours a day, every day they exist.
   
8. Some state that the video game of live roulette was created by a male called Blaise Pascal, a French mathematician and creator. Others state he simply chose what order the numbers would enter.
   
9. And still others declare that the video game of live roulette originated from China. Another group swears that live roulette was created by a group of Venetian monks! It appears that nobody understands the genuine reality.
   
10. Although a line of slots might look similar, each of them looks various on the within.
    
11. Dice are the earliest video gaming tool offered to utilize today.
    
12. Blackjack was prohibited in America back at the turn of the 19th century. Currently an extremely popular video game, it holed up as folks continued to play it unlawfully. The restriction was raised in 1939 as Nevada prepared to present Las Vegas to the world.
    
13. Craps is an American video game, however was developed as a variation of a European video game played in the 17th and 18th century that was referred to as 'risk'.
    
14. Legend has it that a fellow by the name of Francois Blanc made a deal with Satan in order to discover the expected 'tricks' of the roulette wheel. The basis of this legend is that when you accumulate all of the numbers on the wheel, you wind up with the number 666, a number that has actually constantly represented the devil.
    
15. Fruit machine can exposing countless possible mixes for each minute the video game is played. This is because of the random number generator, or RNG, that is inside the maker.
    
16. Craps got its odd name from a label provided to the French Creoles of New Orleans, Johnny Crapauds.
    
17. There are 2 kinds of dice, gambling establishment dice and 'pharmacy' dice. Gambling establishment dice are specifically made by hand to guarantee that they are well balanced and are a best cube. Pharmacy dice are smaller sized than gambling establishment dice, and are made by equipment.
    
18. Historians have actually discovered paperwork that informs us Napoleon actually delighted in playing a video game or more of 21, or blackjack when he remained in exile.
    
19. If you build up all of the opposing sides of one dice, you will constantly develop an overall of 7.
    
20. Live roulette has guidelines that are much easier to follow and comprehend than many other types of gambling.
    
21. Video poker has actually belonged of the gambling world since the early 1970s.
    
22. The video game of Baccarat was as soon as had fun with Tarot cards.
    
23. Caribbean Stud Poker is a poker variation that is incredibly popular worldwide. It was established from a 16th century video game called Primera.
    
24. There are 38 numbers on an American roulette wheel, 0, 00, 1 to 36.
    
25. There are 37 varieties of a French roulette wheel, 0 to 36.
    
26. Those who reside in Nevada wager around $846 each year at the gambling establishments.
    
27. The video game of Baccarat was created throughout the midlifes by Felix Falguiere, an Italian bettor.
    
28. Among the fastest growing types of home entertainment all over the world is gambling establishment gambling.
    
29. There are 11 various methods to make a wager in the video game of live roulette.
    
30. The British call fruit machine 'slot machine' and 'one-armed bandits'.
    
31. The game of chance of strip poker came from New Orleans, Louisiana around 1830.
    
32. Backgammon is the earliest taped video game in history. This video game, which came from Mesopotamia, is called by several names.
    
33. Gambling has actually ended up being a $40 billion dollar each year market in simply the United States alone.
    

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Things You Most Likely Never Ever Learn About Gambling
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1. Blackjack tables have a little in common with baseball video games. The seats at the table that are around the dealership are referred to as 'bases', and are referred to as very first, 2nd, and third base.
   
2. Baccarat concerned Las Vegas in 1959 at the old Sands hotel. It most likely was not well like by the hotel owners, as the Sands wound up losing $250,000 the opening night on the baccarat tables!
   
3. There are 3 various ranges of baccarat. They are called 'Chemin de fer', or train, 'Baccarat Banque, or Adeux Tableaux, and Punto Banto, which implies North American Baccarat.
   
4. Blackjack team play was developed by a guy referred to as Al Franesco.
   
5. The absolutely nos on roulette wheels are called the 'Home Edge'. The nos were initially contributed to the wheel by its developer in order to increase your house chances.
   
6. Caribbean Stud Poker discovered its method to the United States in the 18th century. It initially appeared in Louisiana, and after that spread out west.
   
7. Nowadays, you can find out how to play Craps on your Iphone!
   

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1. A pair of dice has a number of labels. They can be called 'Boxcars', 'Snake Eyes', 'Mississippi Marbles', or 'Memphis Dominoes'.
   
2. The fastest growing market on the planet in Indian video gaming, which is a $27 billion each year market in simply the United States.
   
3. The name 'Blackjack' was originated from a variation of the initial video game guidelines, in which a gamer who had the black Jack of Spades got a payment.
   
4. The worst live roulette bet, and why? It's referred to as the 5 number bet, 0, 00, 1, 2, 3, and when made, your home edge leaps from 5.26% to 7.89%.
   

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1. The video game of Baccarat gets its name from the worst hand possible, absolutely no.
   
2. The initial name of Blackjack was 'Ving-et-un', which equates into the word 'blackjack'.
   
3. The biggest win at an online gambling establishment was $1, 683,524.64.
   
4. A sailor had 27 wins in a row playing Craps at a Las Vegas gambling establishment back in the 1950s. The chances of this occurring are 12,467,890 to 1!
   
5. The video game of Bingo came from Italy throughout the year 1530.
   
6. In Australia and New Zealand, the term "Housie" is utilized for Bingo.
   

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Gambling Trivia You Never Ever Would Have Thought
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1. In the whole time the video game of Keno has actually been played, a reward of $500,000 has actually been won 4 times, 2 times by the very same gamer.
   
2. Live roulette is the earliest of all gambling establishment video games.
   
3. Keno was utilized in ancient China to raise money that was utilized to develop the Great Wall of China.
   
4. Keno pertained to the United States in the 19th century.
   
5. It is possible to come up with 1,474, 200 various Bingo cards.
   
6. Playing cards as we understand them today initially appeared in Europe at some point throughout the 1300s.
   
7. Modern Bingo was developed from a video game called Beano. When a gamer wrongly called out "Bingo" instead of "Beano", the name caught on all over.
   
8. A little more than 70% of the high-stakes gamblers in Vegas who take pleasure in playing Baccarat are Asian lenders and Asian industrialists.
   
9. Keno returns to the Han Dynasty in Chinese history in between 205 and 187 B.C.
   
10. In South America and Europe, the video game of Baccarat passes the name of Punto Banco. Punto Banco is generally a high-stakes gambler video game.
    
11. The age of the youngest individual to win the World Series of Poker centerpiece was a tender 24.
    
12. It is possible to make 2,598,960 poker hands from a basic 52-card deck.
    
13. The chances of being dealt the hand called a 'pocket set' in Poker are 16 to 1.
    
14. There are just 4 possible Royal Flush hands in a basic 52-card deck.
    
15. The chances of getting a Royal Flush hand are 649,740 to 1.
    
16. More than 70 million decks of basic playing cards are offered each and every year.
    
17. That sandwich you consumed the other day got its name from a poker gamer. The Earl of Sandwich enjoyedsl poker a lot he was loathe to leave the video game table, even to consume. So, he would have somebody bring him bread and some meat, and the sandwich was born!
    
18. The label for a set of eights in the video game of poker is Pocket Snowmen.
    

Gambling has been around since dinosaurs walked the Earth. Back then, you only had like three games: Gin Rummy, Texas Hold 'Em, and this REALLY shitty slot machine made out of a tree, some rocks, three cantaloupes and three cherries.
Gambling slowly evolved with sport and by the time the mammals ruled the Earth, there were the first small casinos. Rodents would gather in holes and play Pai Gow and Keno - that's how they survived the asteroid blast that killed all their dino-buddies.
ALL IN SQUEAKY MICE VOICES
"Hit me!"
"Bust!"
"I'll kill you!"
FINI
Kenny Rogers makes no secret of his love of gambling, as seen below in the song Lady. I have added some notes:
Lady, I'm your knight in shining armor and I love you - This is about Kenny sidling up to a slot machine. The armor is shiny like gold and yet, it's armor that protects the gold...Kenny's gold.
You have made me what I am and I am yours - This is Kenny basically admitting that he has a gambling problem.
My love, there's so many ways I want to say I love you - Kenny can't explain his love of gambling; he can only gamble - that is how he shows it.
Let me hold you in my arms forever more - This is a play on words, this is Kenny saying he's "holding": he's holding his cards, holding his bet, and holding his love for gambling.
Later, Kenny would write a song called The Gambler about Botox.
Gambling has changed its face so many times. When I was a child you could buy lotto tickets or go to Las Vegas. Now, you can go to the reservations or the bar and gamble. Hell, most people gamble at work. I am in 38 different variations on fantasy football even now in the post season. In fact, I'm gambling with my other hand while I write this.
Gambling has taken control of America...and I want to salute our shiny overlord! You truly have made me what I am, Gambling, and I AM forever yours.
They say life is a gamble - and they are right. Every day you gamble. Just getting out of bed opens you up to odds makers. Chances are you'll live - but would you bet on it? I wouldn't. Look at you.
"God doesn't play dice" - this is a quote typically attributed to Einstein, but it was actually Jesus who said this right before he pulled out a package of dominoes. Point is, even God gambles. All of them. I don't care what religion you are, your God gambles. I should know, I use a lot of drugs.
I bring you all this information as March Madness* slowly approaches. This is the time of year when I get excited about sports. Anyone can win March Madness. You can ask your buddy "What's a Manzel" as I did and still win. That's the sort of absolute lack of sporting knowledge you need to win at March Madness. The reason is there's just so many variables. I once made it to the very end based on picks given to me by a friend's four year old. It's that simple. I don't even know what basketball is; I just know I sucked at it.
This year, I'm going. Yes. You can go to March Madness. That may seem tricky as the games are in different states and are on at the same time....but it's not. Las Vegas is essentially the closest you can come to "going to March Madness." And I will be there.
My friend who goes every year has tried to talk me out of it as he has deemed me a "cooler". A cooler is a person who can ruin any luck within a half inch. They made a movie about it. I think it was called Titanic. Point is - this guy thinks he can talk me out of going to March Madness. Boy is he wrong. Little does he know I have been "cooling" him for decades. In fact, he thought he was impotent from 2005 - 2007, but it was just me hanging outside his house when he was on dates.
I have already booked my ticket and air and I am going to "go mad". Going mad is when you gamble degenerately. For instance, the year that I was at Mt. Baker and we stopped in at a casino and 10 hours later I was taking out cash from a credit card to gamble more. Or last weekend when I stopped at three different casinos losing 1200 dollars in the process. Going mad is a lot like "going clear" in Scientology. You basically remove your ego and accept that you are just going to destroy yourself. It's invigorating. Call it the Kamikaze piloting of capitalism. This is where gambling becomes a sport - and I am the Ray Charles of gambling.
I imagine my madness will begin at SeaTac airport where the mere idea of losing thousands of dollars will get me giddy and lead me to wallop a shocking 1000 dollars down at a magazine shop for lotto tickets. I'll probably forgo any scratching and proceed to just scan the tickets for winners and see just how many I can buy before my plane takes off. Then I'll think "What if I miss my plane?" Then I'll think, better make a bet! Then I'll try to bet on whether I will miss the plane with people and finally get a taker and then I'll bet that I'll miss, but then I'll make it and have to leave the plane to pay the dude, but then the plane takes off and I WIN. Point is, I WIN.
Once I gamble my way out of SeaTac, I'll arrive at McCarron International airport, named after bloated college basketball coach and chronic alcoholic, Tim McCarron. There I will play the McCarron International slot machines until I smoke 64 cigarettes, bracket style.
At this point, I will be flat broke and will need to sell my clothing and iPod for taxi fare. With the leftover money I will play a PRICE IS RIGHT slot machine until I am totally broke. Then I'll go to sleep and wake up and sell my room to gangbangers for 40 dollars and then play Roulette. By this time I will bet conservatively and make all my money back, call the cops on the gangbangers, clean up my room and then get really loaded. Then I will go back to the casino, blow the money, and wind up at square one.
That to me, folks, is a good time.
The moral here is that gambling is good and good for you. Just ask that college basketball guy Eli Manning or tennis legend Eric Estrada.
Sports and gambling are about as American as bombing dudes and wearing a bandanna as underwear. Just ask professional soccer player Joe Namath.
Or curling star Michael Jordan.
Wait, so the moral of the story really is I don't like sports, but gambling IS a sport, so that is the sport I like.
If you don't believe me, ask running back Claire Danes.
*From a previous issue

"Men", huffed the windbag known as Dave, "I sense an opportunity. One of those golden moments where deals are forged! We just gotta push a little harder team! Snyder?"
"Ok David", said the sycophant known as Pete Snyder, "I have Jill in engineering shopping the new specs but no one can commit to the cuts..."
I stare at them. I hate them. I wish I was anywhere but here. Traveling with coworkers has pushed me to the brink of a psychotic breakdown. Pete cannot call Dave Dave because he is too low on the totem pole. So he calls him David. This annoys me.
Dave addresses us as 'Men' because he once did a team building exercise with an ex US Army Captain. Now he feels that being in charge of a sales division equates him to the poor bastards that live, die and bleed for us overseas in foreign wars.
Cunt. Pus.
Fuck him. If I have to sit through another one of his pep talks about why we are better than the other purple assed baboons screaming in the forest I will lose my fucking shit. We come from nothing and shall return to nothing. NOTHING.
And he won't shut the fuck up:
"We have 2 days max to ramp up our deal pot. Sweeten it. I'll run interference on Jim and his team but we are pushing specs gentlemen. Engineering will push back. I know Jill and she is a cagey one. We need someone to sign off on those cuts ASAP. Men! Whats the ETA on the push team's effort? Dylan! I need a frontline commitment to swing these guns..."
I understand the banter and it takes every ounce of self control not to smash my ice tea glass against Dave's skull. Las Vegas is a paradise to these fools. They drink, gamble, pretend to be big men spending company credit on expensive dinners and "strategizing" at all night drinking parties with willowy Korean girls at hostess bars.
Being married I have a perfect excuse to not join in. This doesn't stop most of the team. But marriage to my wife is not keeping me on the straight and narrow path. Nope. It's drugs. These pills allow me to sit in an Alaskan themed lodge swilling century old liquors with people I loathe as they play Keno and lie to each other. These pills allow me keep a neutral expression as my colleagues collaborate at breakfast trying to figure out ways to disguise whoring on expense reports....These pills keep me from going to the gun trade show downstairs, buying a Glock 22 and putting holes in you meat bag soulless pieces of shit...Ahhhh but I digress.
And I am running out. Running out of time and pills.
This business trip was supposed to be 3 days and 2 nights. The debauchery and promise of a new deal has created 2 more nights and now...? Talk of a third? My days are measured in pills. 2 pills equals 4 hours MAX. It should be 3 pills but I must conserve. At 2 pills I am no longer high. It merely holds back the demons and pushes away the coffin cold crushing vice grip of withdrawal...
I do my presentation for the executive buyers. I rush it. But in front of people my Mask does the work. I smile, assure them and SELL like a motherfucker. I sit down, sip my ice tea and close my eyes for a second to feel the euphoria lick my brain...and open them to Dave.
Dave is fucking up. He is obviously hungover and tripping over his spiel. I don't think he knows jack shit about what we are trying to do. He is assuring without understanding. The other side of the table senses this too. Fuck. No more. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!
I clear my throat.
"Dave? Sorry to do this now but we went with your recommendation...Yeah just heard it over the wire", I smile benignly hoping he has enough brain left to catch on.
All eyes are on me and my Mask.
"The...?", fumbles Dave.
"You know. Your schematics on the cuts? All taken care of. I just went over it with Jill. You mind if I...?" I gesture vaguely at the table.
I offer Dave dignity.
"Go ahead. I must have missed it while on the conference call..", he says professionally. Fucking Harvard piece of shit.
"Ok thanks Dave. Gentlemen what we are trying to accomplish is this -"
After 10 minutes I am humming with power. Dave has acknowledged my Save and the team is relieved. I look polished and professional. But in reality I am running out of opiates and want to go home.
We celebrate that night. More debauchery at a nice Japanese steak house. My plane tickets are confirmed. I'm packed. I am happy again. I take my medicine in the restroom with a SNORT. Ahh. Wasteful but my favorite delivery method...Straight to the old brain. Bypasses the steak and sashimi in my gut.
The team splits up for the last night. They go out into the neon beast and sacrifice the only thing that is sacred in Vegas. Money. And I go back to my room. My message light blinks. I sigh. Probably more bullshit. I push PLAY.
"Hey handsome I lost your celly but have a good memory for room numbers...", giggles the escort I met 2 nights ago, "But I came through. Still down? Call me at..."
I write down the number. Hmm. Charlotte was the second prostitute I had in my room since my arrival in Vegas. The first one was Hanna and she was one freaky, sketchy bitch. From Hanna I discovered Vegas is a METH town. I gave her $75 just to leave. No way I wanted anything to do with the scabs and sores on her.
But Charlotte...Stripper from New Mexico that works trade show seasons in Vegas. A mother of twins and poppy fan. Same flavor as me so we get along. I paid her $275 for 10 Roxi 30s. She wanted $300 but I pointed out you want $25 or do you want to do Roxis with me? We did some bumps and become buddies. I bought her some cocktails downstairs on my corporate card. Business baby.
Now she has half bags of brown powder for $100. These bags were taxed and skinny but I had no scale nor options.
Charlotte says she is a African American, Native American, Irish and Mexican. She looks like a cocoa skinned, pug nosed, freckly brunette with huge tits to me. I ignore her life story. She doesn't ask mine. We both seem relieved to know I will not be paying for sex.
"Don't take this the wrong way but I just want to get high", I tell her while chopping up lines with my room card.
"Good because I slept funny last night. My neck is killing me", said Charlotte watching me work.
I snorted a few bumps and shared. I kept my pills in my case for the ride home. We watched pig races on TV.
"I made a $1000 off a pig once", smiled Charlotte dreamily.
I was getting high enough not to answer these strange missives from the Universe. So I smiled instead. Good brown.
Charlotte added a joint and we smoked some subpar weed. She busted out a second one and was looking for her lighter when I became inspired.
"Let's load some H in that shitty weed."
Charlotte handed me the joint when a KNOCK KNOCK! came upon my door.
My room reeked of weed. I was high on heroin. I was watching pig races with a prostitute from New Mexico. So I opened the door.
It was Dave.
"Hey man thanks for the save bro!", said Dave giving me an awkward handshake that involved some finger clasping I missed out on for I am older than 40 years of age.
"No problem Dave. Just trying to wrap this up..."
My mask was not on. And I don't think I could reach it from my towering vantage point. But Dave was shitty drunk. He did not seem to notice the ganja smoke swirling out into the hallway. Behind me I could hear Charlotte putting drugs away in hotel drawers.
"Ohhh", smiled Dave peering in, "I didn't know you had company!"
I blinked as I tried to come up with...with something. Anything. But Charlotte covered.
"My name is Samantha. I do 5 point deep tissue massage. $150 for 20 minutes. Interested sir?"
"Naw. I'm good", smiled Dave. "But seriously bro...Thanks. Thanks! I owe you man. Big time."
He winked and left. Bastard.
Charlotte and I got almost nodded out high but not quite. We could still stumble around the room for beverages and snacks. I put all my stuff in the hotel safe just in case but I felt safe with Charlotte. I had room service bring us up grilled cheese with tomatoes, curly fries and a turkey club with avocado.
Around 2:30am Charlotte asked if her friend could come over? She was working next hotel over as a cocktail waitress. I said Sure. My suite is huge and I am high. The more the merrier.
Manda showed up around 3am and ate my fries and raided the hotel bar. She wasn't into heroin. Manda was a pixie redhead wearing a toga from her job next door at Caesar's. We were smoking another joint and watching Caddy Shack when someone KNOCK KNOCK'd upon my door.
My room reeked of weed. I was high on heroin. I was hanging out with a prostitute from New Mexico, a pixie redhead wearing a toga, we are watching Caddy Shack and eating curly fries. So I open the door. It was Beth from Marketing.
Wait. What?
And now here is Beth. A chubby blond with 3 kids, great husband named Stan who did the brakes on my truck for FREE. My brain did cartwheels trying to piece together WHY Beth from Marketing would knock knock on my door at 3:30am? My brain failed me. Weakling.
"Ohhh fuck I'm sorry I just thought, you know how we like...?", mumbles Beth.
She was hammered and holding my door frame to maintain upright. Beth was wobbly eyed and looked inside my suite. The girl in the toga waved cheerfully but Charlotte was too busy watching Caddy Shack and smoking a joint.
"I just...I just...", said Beth and then she started to do this weird hiccup drunken boo hoo hoo cry.
I don't need this but man I am high. Manda picked up on Beth right away and came over.
"Heeeey...Are you ok sweety?", she asked rubbing Beth's back and guiding her into my suite to the couch where we were doing drugs.
I thought of leaving. Vegas is open 24/7. But this is my room. Beth is my coworker. All these strange women, their highs, their lows and tears. All on me.
So I called a meeting. Charlotte nodded out but I could count on Manda. We walked Beth home 2 floors down. Her roommate Sheila the new Marketing Associate Director was passed out on her bed wearing really cool underpants. Her panties were white but had a angry panda bellowing from her crotch.
We put Beth on her bed, covered her up and left. Manda was a Las Vegas pro. Like she helped strangers put their coworkers back into their rooms all the time. We hugged goodbye before she helped Charlotte into the cab. As they pulled away I looked at my watch. 4:38am. The sun would catch up with me soon. I was high. But professionally so. From that half gram I had a bump waiting and one upon waking up at 10:00am. I'd hit it before 11:30am checkout. I'll keep 3 pills in my pocket. Swallow 2 before I get on the plane. Snort the last one 1.5 hours into the flight to glide home opiate happy and sane.
And when I get home...I can FINALLY get high.

I saw this posted at another site and figured I would copy and paste it, Brandon Lang had a movie made about him starring Al Pacino and Matthew McConaughey
Yes, for those of you who have been around a couple decades, the New York City company that Brandon Lang worked for was the disgraced company that was run by Stu Feiner.
No, this was not a movie that was paid/produced for by BIG Hollywood. The movie was made by an off-shore sports book.
Let's get to the "name thing". In the movie, they said his real name was Brandon Lang and when he went on to work for the boiler room Stu Feiner outfit, he was given a "power name" (John Anthony), just like all the scam outfits have always done.
His real Name is Brandon Link. During the first draft of the movie, they were using Brandon Long before settling on Brandon Lang. The irony is, after the movie came out, Brandon Link parlayed the hype and went into the handicapping business and now calls himself Brandon Lang.
There is a hint in the credits, for Brandon has a very short cameo appearance near the beginning of the movie. At the end of the film, he is credited as: Man Greeting Brandon #1 --- BRANDON LINK!
The story is related by Brandon Lang/Long/Link (Matthew McConaughey) who begins life as a sports hero and just at the moment when he is ready to break in to the Pro Football domain, he fractures his leg in a winning touchdown.
Noooooooooooooo, Brandon Lang/Lane/Link/Long was NOT a star college football quarterback that brought his team to a major Bowl game only to get injured in the final minutes. Think about it, did you ever hear his name? We all recognize the QB's that are in major bowl games. Hell, if you are a skeptic, just do a Google search!
He did hurt his knee though. You ask how? It was in a basketball pickup game that was being played at a local fitness center! The league was called THE SPORTING HOUSE LEAGUE. The name of the fitness center is The Sporting House. It's a few steps below a park district league.
There's a hilarious side story to Brandon's "injury story". Late last year, a college football writer telephoned Brandon Lang/Lane/Link/Long and told him that he's never heard of him and asked what college team he took to the bowl game. Brandon was caught off guard, but being the pathological liar he is, he came up with an amazing lie AGAIN! He copped to the fact that he never quarterbacked a bowl team and that indeed, he injured his knee in a fitness center league. He went on to claim that one day, UNLV basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian stopped by to watch a game (yeah, right) and that Coach Tarkanian told Brandon that he was good enough to be a walk-on for UNLV! By the way, that was during the hey days of the UNLV program and their National Championship run.
Want another lie? Sure you do! Was Brandon Lang/Lane/Link/Long a Las Vegas handicapper? Hell no! BLLLL was not a sports handicapper, or even a telemarketing salesman. He was a score phone announcer working for a major Las Vegas sports handicapping service. He was working for $6.00 an hour for a company that you know all about. (Hint: Initials of the owner are JF__ ) This major Las Vegas handicapping service is still going strong and you can see their sports handicapping INFOMMERCIAL Saturday mornings on cable TV. I know that you can fill in the blanks!
So, since he was NOT a handicapper, and had no reputation at all in the industry, how did he hook up with scamdicapper Stu Feiner?
Brandon's manager (at J__ F____ Sports) had many conversations with this infamous New York sports handicapper (Stu Feiner) that Al Pacino plays. The supervisor's job was to try to sell Stu Feiner 900 # score phone advertising and Brandon “The Wonder Boy” score phone announcer would read “Mr. New York's” advertising copy, or sometimes Feiner would call into Las Vegas to do a live feed. So, that's how the two of them first got together. After liberal tipping and spiffing, Feiner eventually convinced “Wonder Boy” to come New York and work for him. He just needed a guy for voice talent work.
The real truth about what happened at Stu Feiner's service is that Brandon Lang/Lane/Link/Long was such a failure at selling games (yep, he was one of those sports service salesmen that would tell you anything they could to get a buck from you), that he lost his job and became a caddie at a Los Angeles Country Club. Jim Feist would not rehire him. Due to his obvious narcissism, he liked talking so much about himself and stretching the truth to the men that he washed balls for that one hollywood-type believed him and searched for a way to get enough money to make the film.
Nobody bought it. Then, BoDog, an offshore sportsbook put up the money to pay for the film! Brandon Lang/Lane/Link/Long and BoDog made a business deal and they were marketing the relationship big time until they realized that the potential consumer to Brandon's picks (he was advising his members to use BoDog), would figure it out. The deal with BoDog gave Brandon Lang/Lane/Link/Long a kickback of the money that his clients lost when betting at BoDog! Why would BoDog want Brandon's action if he was winning?
Are we having fun yet?
Let's explore documented facts and the odds of betting on the outcome of events.
In the film, Brandon Lang goes 12 for 12 in his first try at handicapping the weekend. Let's examine this. According to the Las Vegas Gaming Commission (whose job it is to keep an eye on such things), in the history of football parlay card betting, NOBODY has ever won 12 for 12 on a football parlay card! Imagine how many thousands has tried? The odds of going 12 for 12 is a staggering 4894-1 against the bettor. An interesting note that is also on the Gaming Commission's historical report is that nobody has ever hit 12 for 12 on a Keno card in the history of betting despite hundreds of millions trying. According to the LVGC, the real odds of hitting 15 for 15 on a Keno card is 0.0000000000023 and it pays off $100,000 although the real odds are more than 51 billion to one against the bettor!So, are you ever going to grab a Keno card again?
So, what exactly was going on at Stu Feiner's company, the firm that employed BLLLL?
According to a comprehensive Sports Illustrated Story titled, "1-900-RIPOFFS", Abusing customers is SOP among sports advisers. "Gamblers are desperate people," says Arnie Wexler, executive director of the Council on Compulsive Gambling of New Jersey.
SI took a two-month test drive through the world of sports advisory services and found misleading ads, bait-and-switches, repeated claims of fixes coming down, misrepresentation of records, unforgivably high-pressured sales techniques, phone harassment, phone threats, phony guarantees, mail fraud, wire fraud and some perfectly dreadful manners. Even the pictures lied.
In investigating Feiner's tactics, an inspector for the Consumer Affairs Department called one of Feiner's 800 numbers to take him up on an offer of a free line on a game during the 1989 football season. The investigator spoke with a man known as Sonny Greco, also known as Phil Bonvino, a salesman for Stu Mitchell's Locker Room Report, still another service owned by Feiner. After a breathless, oath-laden pause-free speech, Greco went for the close. His pace was furious. The detective, posing as a customer named Stan, balked. Greco screamed louder.
Here is the audio taped conversation: Stan: I'm being bombarded here. Lemme think on it. I got a lot of guarantees here. Sonny: I'm not interested in anybody else you're call., Stan! The difference here is this, OK? We own this game tonight on oveunder! We own this information. Now go get your credit card, and let's start making money! You don't need to deal with anybody but me! Stan: Wait� Sonny: I own this game in oveunder! I have the winner! Tonight! No what's your credit card number? Stan: OK, lemme get back to you. Sonny: Stan, you're not going to call me back! You know it as well as I do, and if you think I'm going to let you off the phone with that ___, you're crazy! OK? I've got the winner tonight! I own this game in over-under, and I'm going to own your bookmaker's ass! So get your credit card out and let's get going! Stan: Lemme tell you what we're gonna do. I'm gonna think about it. Sonny (louder still): Stan, there's nothing to think about! Click. Greco is ruthless, loud and scary. No wonder Feiner has given him his own sports service-Phil Bonvino's Locker Room Report. Says a former phone tout for a large Long Island service, "There were plenty of times when we'd tell a guy, 'Look, if you don't come across, I'm gonna tell your wife you're gambling again.' Or we'd tell high school kids that we were going to tell their parents." Says the ex-salesman for Kevin Duffy, "We'd call up anybody, even guys we knew were going to Gamblers Anonymous. We'd stay on them." Question: How do sports advisers get away with it? Better question: Who are customers supposed to complain to? Gamblers don't want to turn anybody in because most of them are breaking the law themselves. As a result, the touts go unpoliced. Soon clients got a clue and stopped paying. That's when the people from the Seasons Edge group "got heavy-handed," says Robert Schroeder of the office of the US Attorney in Atlanta. "They'd threaten to kill members of the family, burn down their homes." One victim was told if he didn't send more money, he'd be "chopped up into little tiny pieces with a chain saw." Gamblers were bilked out of $413,000 before a victim's parents finally called the FBI when their son, a college student, lost his tuition money and resorted to using his father's credit card to try to obtain his "refund." Schroeder nailed conspiracy, wire fraud and extortion convictions on 12 people. They got the full package sentences ranging up to 87 months in jail.
It is also a business in which profits can be enormous, some services are believed by at least one close observer of the industry to make as much as $1 million annually. Last year the people at the New York City Department of Consumer Affairs looked into the advertising practices of the sports adviser business and came away with their hair on end. "These have been among the most egregious, outrageous claims we've ever encountered," says a department attorney, Fred Cantor.
Get this story!
"I remember once a guy needed a bailout game real bad," says a former salesman for a major tout operating out of New York City. "He was buried, so he wanted to put two or three dimes [$2000 or $3000] down on something good. I said I had a lock for him. I put him on hold, and I went into my boss's office and I said, 'Who do you want to pick, the Jets or Minnesota?' And he said, 'Take Minnesota. My mom likes purple.' So I gave this poor sucker Minnesota based on some lady's favorite color. He lost." Ripoffs Rule the Roost.: "The Source", a sports adviser service in Farmingdale, NY, owned by Stu Feiner, who also owns a few 900 call-in lines. Another exhibit is Feiner's brother-in-law, the aforementioned Kevin Duffy, perhaps the nation's most successful scamdicapper, who became famous for running ads that said, "I will go 7-0 for you today, absolutely free." Too bad "absolutely free" meant you first had to sign up for a month's service at $350. Then, if Duffy didn't go 7-0 in the first week, you got the next month free. Duffy, who operates out of Massapequa, Long Island, also claimed to be no worse than 75% right, ever. Yet when his picks were audited by the Sports Monitor of Oklahoma City, one of the rare legitimate monitors (among the dozens of such outfits that purport to keep tabs on the performance of tout services), he never fared better than 58.8% in any regular football season between 1985 and 1988, and he sank as low as 39.7% for his college picks in 1987. Eventually the Sports Monitor refused to monitor Duffy because of his "deceptive ad practices." Stu Feiner agreed to be monitored by SI for four weeks in September. To his credit, he unfailingly gave us his choices. To his discredit, Feiner went 19-32, a 37% win rate, and lost us an imaginary $6,210 based on $100 per unit. During that same period, we were anonymously calling Feiner's 800 number, where, curiously, he claimed to be cleaning up. On Sept. 23, for instance, after Feiner had gone 3-11 for the week on his picks for SI, bringing his record for us to 11-25, one of his shills, Kenny Leeds, said in response to our anonymous call, "This week I [meaning the company] went 3-0, the week before, I was 3-1." On Oct. 3, after Feiner had gone 7-7 for the weekend, we again called anonymously and got another Feiner salesman, Larry Marco. "This past weekend, we swept the board," Marco said. Then Leeds called back. "This kid Feiner is making betting history," he said.
Yeah, so did Art Schlichter!
For you youngsters, Art Schlichter was a first round draft choice (DUDE HAD MAJOR SKILLS) as a quarterback coming out of Ohio State in 1982; what's more, he enjoyed an image so wholesome his biography was titled Straight Arrow. But Schlichter gambled away his $350,000 signing bonus during his rookie season with the Baltimore Colts. He was suspended and reinstated the next year, after declaring he had the disease of compulsive gambling for which he had gotten help. In 1985, he was cut by the Colts and never played football again. If success started Schlichter's addiction, failure really fueled it. In 1988 he declared bankruptcy, referring frequently to his disease. Schlichter's ex-wife, Mitzi Schlichter, helped found the Custer Gambling Treatment Center in Indianapolis after she left her husband in 1994. Schlichter, meanwhile, has spent four of the six years since then in prison. In 1997, he was pulled out of a court-ordered gambling treatment program and hauled back to jail when he was caught betting. Schlichter is currently awaiting trial on money laundering charges and stealing ************, all revolving around taking money, often from family members, in order to gamble. Schlichter takes no responsibility for his misbehavior — and, despite harping on his disease and although his wife created her own gambling treatment center, Schlichter has never shown any inclination to fly straight.
Feiner was fined $13,000 in February 1990 by the New York City Department of Consumer Affairs for false and misleading advertising, yet he sent out a promotional brochure last month that reported a "1991 documented record college and pro: 9-3." Knowing Feiner's record as we did, we asked him how he could say this. "That's what I had the first week." he said, before you started documenting me." Fine. That would've been the weekend of Aug. 31-Sept. 2. The booklet, however, was dated Sept. 19-Oct. 7, 1991. During one of our anonymous calls, Leeds told us he had "strong information" on a game he wanted us to buy, so strong it was a dead mortal lock, so strong that he was putting $2000 of his own money on the game. We were dubious.
Here's the audio taped conversation: Leeds: You don't believe me? I'll fly you out here [from Colorado]. SI: Fly me out there? Leeds: I'll fly you to __ Long Island, and I'll have you take a ride with me! SI: Why? Leeds" To see how I pick it [his winnings] up and where I pick it up from. SI: Can you fly me out this week? Leeds: What I'm saying is�I'm using that's a little bit of a mild exaggeration. Don't get me wrong, but I've met a lot of my clients. I've met Dan Marino. SI: You know Dan Marino? Leeds: Well, I stood next to him at the Super Bowl, and my friend took my picture with him. Feiner says that if somebody calls his 800 number and doesn't sign up, "We'll call him every day for a couple months, because eventually they'll change their minds.
"Mike Warren (real name Mike Laskey - a degenerate horse bettor who was run out of business by the United States Attorney and fined heavily) is a former pathetic handicapper and a tremendous con artist," says Feiner. Says Warren, "Stu Feiner? He's got a big mouth, always talking big. He knows this hoodlum and that hoodlum-gonna break my legs. You know what? He can't break an egg. I gave him my address. He's so short, the only thing he can reach is my legs." Mike Warren was ordered by The United States District Attorney to run major advertisements in which he had to admit his frudulent claims of success.
If you think guys like Feiner and Warren will make you wish you have never installed your phone, Atlanta's John L. Edens, alias Johnny DeMarco, the Babe Ruth of 900 sales pitchers, will make you wish Alexander Graham Bell had never been born. According to published ads and SPORTS ILLUSTRATED taped phone calls, Edens:
Got on his 800 line and told listeners to call his 900 line for $25, "and if the game loses, there'll be no charge." That, of course, is a lie. Once a call is made on a 900 line, the charge is automatic.

• Told customers of one of his phone services that his special guest selector that day was "a former six-time NBA basketball All-Star who wishes to remain anonymous due to security matters." The anonymous "All-Star" then got on the line and offered his inside information on "three big plays, tonight."
  
• Told his customers on another occasion, "Sporting Illustrated magazine calls the Handicapping Hotline the Number One value in sports." Remarkably, there is no Sporting Illustrated.
  
• Wrote in a print ad, which appeared in the schedule of games he sent out to customers in early 1991, that his service was rated "the very best available by the Interstate Sports Commission, the nation's only legitimate monitoring service." The ad failed to mention that the ISC is owned by a company with which, DeMarco acknowledges, he is "affiliated."
  
• Got on his 800 line in March 1989 and said he had spoken with then N.C. State coach Jim Valvano and had "key" information on the Final Four. Valvano says he has never spoken to DeMarco.
  

Scripts at the a New York based sports service? Yep, The New York Consumer Affairs Commission got their hands on one! It will frighten you.
Here it is:
It read: "I'm glad I got ahold of you in time! We are releasing our biggest information game of the ____ (month/season) going off ___ (day of week). Now, ___ (name), listen carefully. Our inside sources have tipped us off to this game. We know exactly what's going to happen. We know the winner. (Lower voice) It's the kind of game I can't even talk about over the phone-you follow me, right? (Response) OK Good�All you gotta do is cover me with $___ How do you do it, **** or **********?"
The fix scam is essential to a tout's repertoire. "You'd lower your voice way down," says one employee who worked for this company for four years, "and you'd say, 'Is this line clean? No taps on it, right? OK Listen, we've got information on this game. you know what I'm saying? The winner of this game was already decided in a hotel room."
"You'd be talking with grown men who were crying on the phone," says one former tout Stu Feiner salesman "Guys who were losing everything but still betting. And I'd lie awake in the middle of the night hoping the guy would win. So I'd call the sports phone and get a late West Coast game at 4 a.m. and go, 'Damn, he lost again."
"It was like feeding drugs to an addict," says the ex-salesman. "We'd try to take whoever we got and make them bet more. We'd take college kids who were betting $25 and say, 'Hey, you got to bet $500 on this game. If you don't bet a nickel I'm not gonna give it to you.' If they won, they got a taste for big money. If they lost, they were desperate to get out [of the hole], and so they start chasing. How can anyone who works for Kevin and Stu have a conscience? Basically, I was just hurting people." And that, unfortunately, is the only absolute lock SPORTS ILLUSTRATED found.
Here's a recent publication about BLLLL: We figured we'd check in with handicapping schizo Brandon Lang/Lane/Link/Long to see how he’s been doing since Two For The Money tanked at the box office, completely shattering any hopes for him elevating his career past that of an internet free pick hustler. Well, from the looks of it, the movie bombing may have rattled the golden boy's cage a bit as he stated in his open letter to his “clients” this month about his recent 1-12 (That’s ONE WIN AND TWELVE losses! He wrote on his own site: “You see the records above. I can't be any more honest, any more truthful. I've never been a guy who hid his losers, because like I say, if I can brag about the winners, I've got to own up to the losers. I've owned college football in October. I absolutely sucked in the NFL. Can't be more direct than that. As you know, and as you've heard me say on hundreds of radio interviews and on national TV, I don’t win everyday. Cant and won’t. Simple as that. Some days you have to give back to your man some of the money you won off of him. It happens. Always has, always will. The past two weeks I've been dreadful in the NFL. Not the first time, not the last. It’s a long season. There will be ups and downs. And that's why you've got always stay within your limits and follow my money management advice. Now, of course, for those of you that came aboard the past two Sundays or Mondays for the first time, what can I say other than I lost? I mean, I'm not going into your homes, ordering you to buy. And I have no control over when you buy for the first time. But, I certainly understand you're disappointed. And that's the nature of the business, and you know it as well as me. We win together, we lose together. And whether winning or losing, you expect the truth, and that's what I'm giving you. The past two weeks in the NFL were awful, but as I always say, if you're with me for the long haul, you should make money.
"This is a marathon, not a sprint, to make money.” Yes, those of you unfortunate enough to spend money on Brandon's services — $679 for 100 days — must be thrilled with that apology. Brandon Lang is the paid handicapping equivalent of Enron at this point. But those of us who are Brandon Lang fans can at least take solace in the fact that Two For The Money will most likely be seen on East Coast flights to Vegas in the next couple weeks. ANOTHER DOCUMENTED STORY: "More of Brandon Lang’s Genius" Finally, we've happened upon some information about our friend Brandon Lang/Lane/Link/Long and his curious background that we think should finally allow us to rest our weary heads about this. A classmate of Brandon's from high school e-mailed us to give us the whole rundown on what's real, what's not, and what's ridiculous about the mysterious Mr. Lane/Lang/Link: Brandon Link: I went to high school with him; that's his real name. The Lane and Lang came later. He was a reserve player on his HS team, came off the bench, usually tried to do too much, fancy passes, etc. Could hit the outside shot, and was effective when he played under control, but he was no star. The claim in the article in his hometown paper that he was planning to walk on at UNLV after his stint in the Navy (before an injury sidelined him) led to a lot of chuckling. He couldn't start for a mediocre white boy HS team yet he was going to walk on at UNLV during the glory years? His pre-Internet gambling show was on PASS, a Detroit sports cable station. That's when he came up with the nickname “The King”. At his 10-year reunion he showed up in a car with the license “1-900-KING”. By the way, how's that for arrogance? At the reunion he drove up in that car, and one guy we know went up to him, pointed at the license, and said “1-900-KING? What is that, some +++ phone line?” Brandon was too shocked to respond. When I saw the movie trailer last week and saw a shot of that license, I cracked up. He wasn't a bad guy, just a blowhard who overestimated his abilities. It’s clear from his current PR blitz that that tendency is still there.
ANOTHER PUBLISHED STORY: "Brandon Lang/Lane/Link Fluffs McConaughey" Crazy-ass toutster Brandon Lang/Lane/Link, the sports handicapper whose life is retold in the box office clunker Two For The Money, took some time out from his busy schedule of promoting himself and making crappy picks to talk about Matthew McConaughey’s portrayal of him in the movie for, well, we guess his own website: “Matthew is a big sports fan and has been known to try his luck in the Vegas sportsbooks. In speaking to Matthew prior to shooting the movie, the dialogue in the script told him all he needed to know. The emotions that he had to draw to in order to play me were right there because he’s a sports bettor himself. I was thrilled to death with how Matthew played me in the movie and the roller coaster ride he takes viewers on properly portrays what I went through. One of the greatest compliments I've ever received in my life came from Matthew, he said “Thank you for bringing me a character where I had to dig down and draw on the emotions that every actor dreams about. This was by far my most enjoyable role.” Aw…who has warm fuzzies? We hope “Matthew” enjoyed the crap out of this role because we're pretty sure his leading man stock dropped around 30 points in the eyes of Hollywood after another stinker.
WANT ANOTHER PUBLISHED STORY?
Tout service guru and four-named evil genius Brandon Lane/Link/Lang/Long, whose story is being “retold” in Two For The Money has hooked up with omnipresent sportsbook Bodog for a special partnership and changed his name again in the span of 48 hours. In a press release Friday morning Bodog proudly gushes about their new partnership with Brandon LANG:
“Brandon Lang, the man who rocketed to fame as a sports handicapper, and Bodog.com, the company that revolutionized online entertainment, have teamed up. In an agreement signed earlier this week, Lang and Bodog will work in conjunction to build a dynamic Bodog presence on his website Brandon Lang . Lang is the subject of the Hollywood film Two for the Money, whose premiere was sponsored by Bodog.
“Teaming with Brandon Lang seemed like a natural for us,” says Bodog Founder and CEO Calvin Ayre. “We're very excited to be working with one of the most successful handicappers in the world.” Obviously, Lang's not-so-impressive record suggests he probably should not be the subject of a sports handicapping film. Apparently, superstud football picking phenom BLLLL has yet to recapture the magic touch of his youth which prompted the release of his life story on the big screen in the upcoming Two For the Money. So far this year, Lane's free picks have been rather ordinary to say the least. Brandon's free pick tally so far this year? 5-8-1. His pre-season picks? 0-3.
Could his poor record have anything to do with the time he's spending on a second career? A la Hollywood movie star? Having Matthew McConaughey play you in a film will most certainly go to anybody's head we are sure. ........................................ ..................
But then I found this little thing on IMDB. Here's the link, (pun intended!).
Two for the Money (2005)
Here is the LINK with his cameo/five second acting career!
Two for the Money (2005) - Full cast and crew
Apparently our buddy Brandon is also an aspiring actor. Or he may have thought the small, uncredited cameo role he played in Two For the Money deserved an IMDB mention. And be sure to check out the photo page, which appears to show a picture of Lang/Lane/Link/Long dressed in some sort of pajama outfit standing in a family room with a deranged look on his face. We hope that's his family room and not some random family whose home he invaded.
And whose head hasn’t exploded yet? They ask. Jesus Christ. If this does not make blood squirt out of your eyes, what will?
First there was the unreserved excitement of Brandon “Lane” and his web page at Big Green Machine, which openly complains about the fact that the name was changed to “Lang” in the movie: “Funny thing - they changed by name to Brandon “Lang” for “artistic” purposes. Damn if I know what that means, but it’s still me no matter how they spell my last name!”
Then in the Lansing State Journal there is nice fluff piece about Midland, Michigan native Brandon “Link” and his experience about having a movie made about his life.
Then there was the IMDB (Internet Movie Database) page he made for himself under Brandon “Link” because of his stirring uncredited role in Two For The Money.
And now we have Bodog partnering with Brandon Lang, replete with a spanking new website for Brandon Lang with no acknowledgment anywhere of the fact that this man is out of his ****ing skull.
ANOTHER DOCUMENTED PUBLICATION WROTE - "Brandon Lane: Enjoying 15 Minutes More Intensely Than Most"
Friday marks the nationwide opening of the Matthew McConaughey, Al Pacino gambling drama Two For the Money, loosely based on the life of former superstud handicapper Brandon Lane. Lane was a former college football player who turned his freakish ability to pick football games into a lucrative career for a tout service. Well, Brandon has himself a website and from the looks of it, he’s really proud of himself and this movie coming out. He also appears to have a little problem with containing his own excitement, even in two paragraphs: People, just had the Vegas premiere last night and it was fantastic. The Palms gave me a great suite and the photo ops were fantastic. This is what I worked hard for and now its my time to turn it on. The Chargers on Sunday, Green Bay on Monday and now “75 Dime” winner #2 in a row goes tonight. I like this MAC game and will deliver a nice winner. October thru January have always been my months. I have won more in those months than any other month. Not by accident but by design. I watch, I see, I adjust and I win. Your job is to jump on board, ride me and win money. It is in this run that you will see why they decided to make a movie about me. Nobody else, but me. Over the long haul, I will make you money. Sometimes in the midst of your losing streak, you don’t think so but this business is not about a day, a week or a month. It is about the year. You roll with me and you are not only a customer today, I want you for life. I want you part of my family. You give me that chance to earn you money and together, we will own your man. Lets own him tonight. Well, that's a little ****ing insane. Anybody else want to bump chests or break a chair over somebody's head? But if you were wondering Two For the Money opens Friday. It’s based on Brandon's life. Jump on him and ride him to the money or something. It'll be fantastic.
And so it goes...There's a sucker born every minute.
One last point..A quote from BLLLL's website that will tell you all that you need to know. "Listen, they only make movies about winners - and that's me!"
How many movies have you seen about losers? Gosh, just last night, I was watching Nick Cage's "Leaving Las Vegas". Was he a winner? The list could go on all day!
ANY QUESTIONS? No thanks. Please cease calling our office to have one hour conversations about this DOCUMENTED FRAUD. Soon, the hype will be forgotton and BLLLL will be washing men's balls again.